Why I Don’t Go to the Dentist After Lunch
You probably think this is going to be a story about me embarrassing myself by eating a ton of garlic right before my dentist appointment and causing the poor woman to pass out. You’re wrong. I avoided my favorite stinky bulb at lunchtime, and even brushed my teeth. I was not to blame for any stinkiness that may have ensued.
The dental hygienist has me lay down in the chair and promptly informs me, “I’ve got the gas.” I look at her quizzically. Do they really knock people out for cleanings these days? Unfortunately, she’s not talking about laughing gas, although I do struggle to keep a straight face. “The gas,” she explains, as if it’s obvious. “I get it every day after lunch. It must have been something I ate. I try to eat the same thing every day so this doesn’t happen. I guess it must have been the chips.” Not knowing what to say or how to respond, I finally decide that my only option is to try to relate. “Yeah, happens to me when I chew gum.”
She walks over and stares at my chart for a while. “Do you go to the gym?” she asks. Perhaps being physically active cancels out the fact that I haven’t been to the dentist in eighteen months? Nope, this isn’t about my medical history. “I get the gas when I go to the gym too,” she explains. “When I’m doing the ab exercises. Sometimes it takes longer than other times, I guess because it’s higher up. But it always happens. I’m just glad everyone wears headphones. That way I’m all set, as long as it’s not stinky.” I sit in the chair, unable to believe that ten minute into my appointment we are still on the subject of her flatulence. I have met my match.
I leave, happy that I don’t have any cavities. But first, I make an appointment for my next cleaning. This time before lunch.
